Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
