Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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