I can tuck mytits in my pants
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she peed on how many people?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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