Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
