I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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