Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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