I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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