You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
