Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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