I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
