I accidentally burped into my bong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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