dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
