I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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