I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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