Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
