someone owes me an orgasm
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
