youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
