I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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