and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
