just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
