you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
