guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
