OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize