"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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