i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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