I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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