I need to stop coming to work sober
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize