I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
