my phone needs a breathalizer
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
