hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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