moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
