i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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