Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
