On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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