i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
