We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
