her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
