If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
