respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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