Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he puts the penis in happiness.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
