i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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