if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
