Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
