Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize