So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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