wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
