thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This baby is an asshole
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
