if i can run in heels then i can drive
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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