bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
