you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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