Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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