uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
