what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
