This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
