Non-Jews are for practice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
