my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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