Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
