What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
