you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
