why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
