i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
