you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
