I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
