i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
