Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
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