did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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