I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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