38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
