I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
