I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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