I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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