Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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